Cultivating the Qualities of a Good Parent

Great Parents Aren’t Born, They’re Made

Parenting is something humans have done for hundreds of thousands of years, but for myriad generations, it was process only, a series of actions that shaped humanity but was ultimately ineffable. People had babies, they took care of babies, and they raised the babies. End of story.

Now, the market is flooded with parenting content from hundreds of “experts” telling you how to be good parents: books, magazines, television shows, podcasts, seminars, due date groups, and more.

And frankly, that seems to make the whole thing even more confusing. It’s hard to figure out what is really necessary and helpful for everyone, what is hogwash, and what is best left up to each individual family. Postpartum doulas help to parse this out case by case, but we hope this blog can help, too!

 

What Does It Mean to Be a Good Parent?

We would be remiss not to begin by saying that we believe every parent is as unique as every baby, and no two are exactly alike. This is a good thing! And helping parents figure out who they are in their new roles is literally what we do. 

With that said, there are some qualities of a good parent that are entirely universal: things like loving and supporting your child unconditionally, prioritizing their nourishment and comfort, and being proactive about the care of their bodies and brains. Good parents have kids who are safe, fed, and loved. 

Those are the minimum, though. Many people want to go beyond what is requisite and move toward what is truly optimal. 

 

Characteristics of Good Parents

Communicative

Good parents are able to communicate effectively, taking into account the developmental age of the person to whom they speak, managing their body language and tone, and articulating what they mean, feel, need, and want. 

Empathetic

Good parents are able to place themselves in shoes (or booties!) of other people/babies, and can adjust their behaviors and choices to help shape the emotional landscape of a situation. They remember the last time they were super duper hungry, hangry even!, and can ascribe those feelings to a hungry baby who is crying. 

Consistent   

Good parents do the same thing over and over and over again. Their bedtime routines are the same every night, their expectations do not change without warning, and they maintain the confidence to do what they know is right even when it’s boring, difficult, annoying, etc. They enforce rules and guidelines without bending so that kids feel safe and secure. 

Detached

Not to be confused with detached from their kids, good parents are detached from outcomes. They do not internalize their children’s behaviors or choices, their “failures” or successes. They enforce rules whether or not it inspires a tantrum; they can have fun even when things don’t go to plan or to their liking. 

 

Who Decided Which Qualities Make a Good Parent?

In the last 50 years, a wealth of research has been conducted by a host of scientists and behavioral experts. The majority of peer-respected and time-tested findings come from the amalgamation of this body of research. Organizations like the American Association of Pediatrics and the National Institutes of Health synthesize these findings and incorporate them into their standards, practices, and recommendations, and this is where the vast majority of parenting experts are learning what they teach. 

 

YOU! The missing link to good parenting

Another important determinant of what makes a good or even great parent is you. In a perfect world, you and your parenting partner would discuss how you view parenting and what you view as the best possible outcomes and how to achieve them before you get pregnant. But if that didn’t happen, or hasn’t happened yet, it is never too late to initiate that conversation. 

 

Why These Qualities Matter in Parenting

For your baby

Your baby is brilliant. Truly! Your baby is able to pick up on patterns (consistency!), speech (communication!), even empathy. You are teaching them how to be the best humans they can be every time you rock these qualities of great parents. You are also providing the best possible environment for neuroplasticity and learning. 

For your family

Every member of your family, from your cats to your parents, will benefit from these qualities and characteristics. It is a huge boon to know that home is somewhere family members will be safe, seen, and celebrated. All aspects of domestic life improve with great communication, empathy for each other, consistency, and non-attachment. This creates interdependence that stands the tests of time and space.

For your mental health

Each of the qualities and characteristics we have discussed are optimal for parental mental health. And with the rise of parental burnout, it can help a lot to have a clear picture of what exactly a “good mother” or “good father” is so that you can take an honest inventory. Having clear, fair expectations and a sort of rubric for your parenting can help postpartum anxiety and depression from becoming too overwhelming.

 

How Postpartum Care Supports Your Intention to Become a Good Parent 

Coaches help you be the best you can be at whatever you attempt. From the dressage ring to the pickleball court, coaches love assisting you and guiding you. They offer encouragement, another set of eyes, and experience to help you make the choices that are best for what you want to achieve. 

Think of your Postpartum Doula as a coach! Happy Family After doulas are newborn care superstars, but they ultimately shine brightest at helping parents and families get into the groove of parenting and hone their parental skills. 

Learn more about Happy Family After and how we can support you through Postpartum Care. We look forward to speaking with you!

You can also find us on the Parenthood Prep Podcast by clicking here or searching “Parenthood Prep” anywhere you get your podcasts.