Ep #46: Getting Stuff Done with a Baby: Yes, It’s Possible (Even If You Haven’t Showered Yet)

Are you home with your kids and just trying to figure out how to get stuff done? Stay tuned for some further tips on productivity and how to get things done when you have a baby.

Welcome to Parenthood Prep, the only show that helps sleep-deprived parents and overwhelmed parents-to-be successfully navigate those all-important early years with their baby, toddler, and child. If you are ready to provide the best care for your newborn, manage those toddler tantrums, and grow with your child, you’re in the right place. Now here’s your host, baby and parenting expert, Devon Clement. 

Hello and welcome back to Parenthood Prep. Today is a nice day. It’s starting to get a little better. I’m very excited because I am leaving for a trip. Actually, you might be listening to this while I am away. We are going to a friend’s wedding in Colombia, so that should be very exciting. The weather down there looks amazing. So I’m really looking forward to that.

So I wanted to get this recorded before we left and also because I have been thinking a lot about the topic lately and I’ve just been really excited about it and pulling together some of my favorite tips, which is how to get things done when you have a baby. And we’ve talked about this before, we have another episode about this, but there’s a few other things I thought of that I wanted to add to the list.

So this is sort of how to get things done, Part 2, when you have a baby or a small child or whatever, another human being whose care and feeding is taking over a lot of your day and sometimes your night and a lot of your time. So this is a little bit less of practical tips and more how to get yourself in a headspace of productivity and feeling accomplished while also actually accomplishing things.

So one of my favorite tips, and this is going to sound stupid and then you’re not going to want to do it and then if you actually do it, it’s going to be so tremendous for you. So what I say is you have your to-do list, you know what you need to do, you’ve already done, you know, the other technique of delegating out the things that you can’t or don’t want to do or don’t feel you’re as good at or whatever and then you pick three things. You pick three things on that list. Maybe you even just pick one thing from that list that you are gonna accomplish today

And you’re like, “But Devon, my to-do list has 15 things on it and I have to accomplish them all.” But let’s be realistic. Even without kids, it’s really hard to do everything on a list in one day.

We always think we are more capable of doing things in a day than we are. One of my business coaches used to say that people overestimate what they can do in a week and they underestimate what they can do in a year. So it’s kind of like that. So you have all these things on your list. You’re like, I’m going to get them all done. And either you feel like so paralyzed by all the things you have to do or you sort of have to do all of them and then you end up it’s the end of the day you’re exhausted and you haven’t actually done anything.

So pick three things, pick two things, pick one thing. Do not pick more than three things. Pick three things from that list and your brain is going to tell you, oh no, that’s not enough things. We want to do all the things. We should do more things. But you just tell your brain, that’s fine, brain. Thank you. When we finish these three things, or when we finish this one thing, we can pick three more things, or we can pick another thing to do.

I do this with my clients all the time. When I’m working with people during the day as a postpartum doula, or I’m like sleep training their baby and they’re trying to figure out, you know, how to get stuff done now that their baby is sleeping and they have some downtime, all that stuff. And this is always something that they push back against. Like, I have all this time free. I could do more than three things. I’m like, great, awesome. Do three things first and then do three more things. 

And what that does is it gets you to actually finish the things instead of kind of being all over the place, like I said, and bouncing around from thing to thing, which I am the queen of, and not actually finishing any of them. So if you just focus on three things from your list, you will be able to get those three things done. 

Now, what’s on that list? It’s big lofty things. It’s send out the thank you cards for the baby gifts. It’s go grocery shopping. It’s meal plan for the week. It’s do something for somebody else that you’ve been telling them you were gonna do or whatever.

But you should also put things on that list that you previously considered just normal tasks that you did in the course of a day. So like take a shower, you are allowed to put that on your list and have it be one of the things that you accomplish in a day when you have a baby because suddenly the baby’s needs or the kid’s needs completely subsume your own and you are feeding them and playing with them and putting them down for a nap and getting them back to sleep or holding them for a nap if you have to do that, and you’re taking them to appointments and you’re driving them to classes and activities.

And you’re doing all this stuff, and you’re not really considering any of it an accomplishment and it’s taking place of the things that you might do for yourself. So the things that you previously thought of as just everyday activities like showering or making lunch or getting the mail or whatever are now big tasks and big accomplishments. So put those things on the list.

When I was a kid, our aunt and uncle came over who at the time did not have their own kids. They later went on to have their own kids. But, you know, my mom had been a parent for a while and my aunt saw my mom’s to-do list included shave legs. And my aunt thought this was the funniest thing she had ever seen. Like, oh my God, I can’t believe you put shave your legs on your to-do list. Because of course for her, she’s like, oh, I’m in the shower. Oh, it’s time to shave my legs. I’m going to do that. Because she did not have 90% of her brain completely consumed by a child at that point. I think later once she did have kids, she apologized to my mother for not understanding why you would have to put shave your legs on your to-do list.

So put those things on the list and check them off and be proud of yourself for accomplishing them. If all you did today was take a shower? Amazing. If all you did was keep your kid alive and take a shower? Amazing. If all you did was keep your kid alive and make yourself a sandwich? Incredible. You did a fantastic job.

Now, when it’s a larger task that is a little harder to tackle all at once, for instance, sending out thank you cards or something that is like a multi-step process, break it down, make it bite sized. Say, I’m going to do three thank you cards today. I am going to do five thank you cards. I’m going to do step one of a project.

Like I had a mom a few years ago who was an amazing artist. That was like her job. She was in like creative and she wanted to make some art for the baby’s room and she had a vision of what she wanted it to be. And she, you know, really wanted to do it, but she had twins actually, so it was taking up a lot of her time. So we broke it down into manageable steps like, okay, so today you’re going to take the photograph that you’re then going to edit. So we spent some time doing that. And that was the accomplishment for the day. So that at the end of the day, instead of saying, I didn’t finish the art project that I wanted to do for the baby’s room, I completed the first step. You can’t finish the project without completing the first step.

So you got to talk to your brain a little bit. You got to tell your brain to shut up and that what you are doing is very productive. And your brain will be very proud of you for accomplishing those things. It will give you dopamine, which you love having.

When you have a baby, sometimes you’re like, how am I gonna get anything accomplished with this baby that wants to be held all the time and I’m trapped under them on the couch or in the rocking chair or whatever. Use a baby carrier. I know it sounds really obvious and you’re like, well, I tried that but it was tricky and I couldn’t figure it out. And here’s the thing about baby carriers, they are brilliant, they are wonderful. You can get so much done when you have a baby in a baby carrier, especially in those first few weeks or first couple of months when they just want to be basically still inside a uterus.

And you want to give them that sensation of feeling like they are in a comfortable position, they’re all cozied up, they are close to your body, they feel warm, they’re being swayed and rocked around when you’re walking, and this way you’re able to get stuff done, but they can be tricky. They can be tricky to figure out. And you, an educated, accomplished person, don’t like being bad at new things. I know you. I see you because it’s me too.

So what I want you to do is just take that, I can’t figure this out and hang it on a hook for a minute, hang the people are going to think I’m stupid on a hook for a minute, and just sit down or stand up with some YouTube videos and figure out how to work your baby carrier and get comfortable with it. If you have a friend who’s really good with baby carriers or even just good with one type of baby carrier, have them come over and show you and do it together if you’re not going to feel silly in front of them.

The thing that happens, and this was another friend slash client of mine many years ago, she had me come over and help her with her second baby to use a baby carrier. And she said she tried the first time with her older one, and she was with like her mom and her sister, and they were just like laughing at her and making fun of her and like scoffing like, oh my god, this is ridiculous. You know, it’s probably one of the like wraps that’s just a big piece of fabric and they were like, what are you doing? This is so silly. And she got completely discouraged.

So don’t try to learn a new thing in front of someone who is going to embarrass you. I love my sister. She’s probably my favorite person, one of my favorite people in the world. And I do not want to learn how to do a new thing in front of her. She is going to make fun of me so hard.

So think about that. Hang that potential shame and that I don’t know what I’m doing on a hook and say, I am going to figure this out and I am able to figure this out and then you will figure it out. And it may not be perfect the first time. That’s fine.

You can also call in somebody to help you, a postpartum doula, like I said, a friend who knows what they’re doing. If your partner is going to be supportive and helpful, you guys can learn together. If you don’t think they will be, then don’t do it with them. Do it with someone who will be. Get on FaceTime with somebody. I mean, you could go on any like mom’s group online and say, does somebody want to like FaceTime with me and show me how to use a carrier? I bet you at least 10 people would jump at that opportunity because they figured it out and they want to pass that along. They want to share that knowledge.

So use a baby carrier, easier said than done, but really take the time to figure it out and understand that it’s going to be a learning curve. And then if you’re not perfect at it right away, it’s not the fault of the baby carrier and it’s not because you’re stupid or anything like that. It’s because it’s learning how to do something new. It’s like if you were learning how to change a tire on your car or learn a craft like knitting or embroidery or whatever, you have to learn how to do it and you’re going to be a little bit bad at it at first.

Focus on safety, make sure you’re not doing it in a way that’s gonna end up with your baby getting hurt, but generally the instructions and the videos and things like that are gonna show you how to do it really safely. And then you’re gonna be like, oh, actually I don’t love it when the shoulder straps are bunched up because that feels really uncomfortable digging into my neck. So I’m going to spread them out more so I’m more comfortable. All those things are great tips. You can also go on any baby-wearing group, again, on social media or whatever, and get tips from people there.

So that is another amazing tip. You can get stuff done while you have your baby with you. You can get out of the house. You can do stuff around the house, whatever you want to do. And then we’ve talked about this, but I feel like I have to go over it again. If someone is offering to help you, either with the task or with the kids, let them. Let them help you and don’t micromanage them.

So give them the parts of the tasks that feel overwhelming to you or that are less preferred or if they want to take the baby. I don’t know if I’ve told this story before. I might have. It was actually the same mom with the art project who had the twins. I was working with her like full-time days helping her out when the babies were small because they were too little for her to hire a nanny. And I was a newborn care specialist in postpartum doula, so perfect for the job.

She was always there, always with me, which is great. Like I wanted her to be with her babies. But it was getting to the point, they were like three months old-ish, that she really was talking a lot about all the stuff she wanted to get done and just feeling like she hadn’t done anything other than care for babies for the last three months. And then I’m sure for like two months before that, she was just super pregnant.

So I said to her one day, and I was always trying to get her to like get out of the house maybe and like do something. I think she was, you know, felt bad leaving me alone as well as feeling bad like leaving the babies. But I was a professional and I was fine caring for two babies. And I wanted her to feel that sense of accomplishment.

So I encouraged her. I was like, “How about this Friday, just for like two hours, you go to a coffee shop and you just like sit there and you get done some of the stuff that you wanna get done. I will check in with you every five minutes. You can text me any time. I’ll tell you how the babies are doing.”

Of course they were fine. Of course they were perfect. And then she was like, “Okay, okay, I’ll do it.” And then as it got closer to Friday, I was like, “You know, maybe if you like this, then like every Friday you could go and like do something for yourself or go, you know, get stuff done out of the house.”

When I tell you, she went to that coffee shop on Friday, of course she checked in a bunch in like the first hour. Then she was like, “I know I said I’d be gone two hours, but is it okay if I stay out a little longer?”

I was like, girl, stay out as long as you want. She stayed out basically until it was time for me to go home and then she came back and she was like, I don’t wanna wait till next Friday, I wanna do that again on Monday. I was like, girl, do it. And when I tell you, I never saw that woman again. I mean, not really. Obviously, I saw her when I arrived and when I left. But she started going out every day because it felt so good to her. And once she got over that initial hump of what’s gonna happen if I leave my house, what’s gonna happen if I leave my babies, she was so thrilled and she was so happy to just get that break and get out of the house.

So, you know, you don’t have to have a professional caregiver, you can use a family member. I’m sure if your mom or mother-in-law lives nearby, they would be thrilled to watch the baby for a little bit at your house. Take advantage of that. Take advantage. Drop the baby off at somebody’s house. Get over that hump and just see how it feels and realize that it is really nice to get a little bit of time to yourself.

So those are some further tips on productivity and getting things done when you have a baby. I would love to hear if you have any tips. Find us on Instagram @HappyFamilyAfter. Would love to hear your tips shared. Or you can go to our website, HappyFamilyAfter.com and leave us a voicemail. We’d love to hear from you. Or reach us through the website contact form, whatever you wanna do. We’re ready for you. Have a great day.

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Thanks for listening to this week’s episode of Parenthood Prep. If you want to learn more about the services Devon offers, as well as access her free monthly newborn care webinars, head on over to www.HappyFamilyAfter.com.