Ep #59: Two Babies, One You: The Ultimate Survival Guide to Twins

Are you or someone you love expecting two or more babies and you’re not sure what you’re going to do or how you’re going to juggle it? Stay tuned for all the tips and tricks you need to take care of twins like a champ.

Welcome to Parenthood Prep, the only show that helps sleep-deprived parents and overwhelmed parents-to-be successfully navigate those all-important early years with their baby, toddler, and child. If you are ready to provide the best care for your newborn, manage those toddler tantrums, and grow with your child, you’re in the right place. Now here’s your host, baby and parenting expert, Devon Clement. 

Hello and welcome back to the Parenthood Prep podcast. Today we’re talking about one of my favorite topics: twins and multiples. So, actually, when I started out as a babysitter, my very first ever babysitting clients, when I was 10 years old, 11 years old, were twin babies. They were about eight months, and they were our neighbors. Their older sister was best friends with my sister, and I was over there all the time holding the babies and playing with the babies. And when they asked me if I would babysit for them, I don’t think I’ve been happier in my life. I’ve been chasing that high ever since, as they say.

And the mom would go to take the older daughter to dance class. It was like she was gone for an hour. I would barely do anything. I don’t think I had to change a diaper for the first like six months I was watching them. I would basically just look at them and play with them and keep them alive. And that was all I had to do. And it was great. But, you know, I kind of plunged into the deep end with that because then one baby just felt like a breeze. And then I did go on to babysit for that family for a long time, and I saw them through toddlerhood and preschool and all that. And it was just for me, it was just normal. There’s two of them. That’s what you’re doing.

And so, in some ways, when you’re expecting twins and you have twins and they’re your first, it’s like, “Oh, this is just what we do. This is just how we do things.” And of course, in other ways, it can be very intimidating and very scary to think about, you know, one baby is scary enough. Now we’re having two. What the hell?

So, I want to talk about some tips and tricks, some things that I’ve learned over the years that I’ve come up with. And I actually teach a class, I teach a workshop. So if you’re a professional in the childcare field and you want me to go into more detail about this and you want to take my class, it’s available through Newborn Care Solutions. It’s called The Magical Octopus because one day I was with a twin client and I was caring for her two babies and she said, “You’re just like a magical octopus.” Like I have all these arms and legs that I’m using to take care of them and do different things with them, which I’ll also talk to you about.

So, twins, triplets, quadruplets. Let’s talk about some of the pros because I think you get a lot of like, “Oh my god, twins. Ah, what are you going to do?” Let’s talk about some of the pros, some of the blessings of it. First of all, you get them on a routine so quickly. Like you have no choice with twins but to have a routine and a schedule that you’re going to follow, whether it’s super strict or a little more loosey-goosey. You are just going to be in that routine a lot sooner than somebody with one baby who might be struggling for months just to try to get them into some kind of routine and schedule.

Also, you know you need help and you take it. So, family members come out of the woodwork to help you. You know, you might hire professional help. In the early part of my doula career, when I was first getting started doing overnight newborn care, back in like 2008, 2009, it was almost all twins. I hardly ever worked with people with a single baby unless there was some sort of issue, medical issue, or one of the parents was having some kind of health issue because it was really only known that you could have help if like something was wrong or something was like extra intense, like twins. So, I took care of so many twins in the early part of my career. And now I just think it’s so wonderful that people realize you can get support with just one baby. But people, you know, with twins knew that they needed help.

We had a daytime client way, way back in the beginning of the business. They had twins and they were pretty overwhelmed, as you can be. And so they had a schedule. They had like this big calendar on the wall, and every day was two names, like sometimes morning and night, like two separate names. And it was either like the mom and the dad, or the mom and the grandma, or the aunt, or the friend, or whatever. And there was always two names. Most of the time it was the mom. Sometimes it wasn’t. Sometimes it was the mom and the dad. 

Sometimes it was the dad and other family members. Except the times that we were there, the doulas, there was only one name because everybody knew that they got to take a break when the doulas were there because we were the only ones who could individually handle both babies at the same time. And I just found that to be such high praise and such a huge compliment that you trust us to care for your two babies at the same time who you feel overwhelmed by, but we can manage it.

And we can. And part of the reason that we can is, of course, experience, tons and tons and tons of experience. But also, it’s our job. So, and I don’t just mean like, it’s our job, so it’s what we do. I mean like when you go to work, you can handle certain things because you’re there to do your job. I’m at your house taking care of your twins because that is my job to do while I am there. I am not trying to pay my bills, shower, answer phone calls, practically feed myself unless it’s like a live-in, which I’ve done and that’s a whole other thing. 

I am only there to take care of these babies and work on their sleep and get them onto a schedule and get them from one feeding to the next. So, when you’re fully focused on it, it’s a lot easier to do than when you’re trying to take care of babies and also run your own life and do the things that you need to do. I do the things I need to do in my spare time. I’m not trying to do them while I’m taking care of your babies. So, I can be very focused on this baby needs this, this baby needs that, whatever.

One of the other blessings of twins is that yes, it is so much harder in the beginning than just having one baby. But that’s because having two kids is just always harder than having one. And the thing about twins is it’s very front-loaded. A mom said that to me when I was traveling, when I was like backpacking around the world when I was 26. I met this family from England who had six-year-old twin boys that had also taken a year off to backpack around the world. And they were doing so well. 

And we were talking about it because at that time I had been babysitting and nannying. I hadn’t gotten into doula work yet, but she said, “You know, the thing with twins is it’s all very front-loaded.” So, you know, the first three years, you’re just overwhelmed all the time. But then once they’re in the same routine, they’re in the same preschool, they’re in the same activities, they’re eating at the same time, roughly the same foods, it’s actually really a lot easier than say a three-year-old and a newborn. Like that is really challenging. 

And so these kids were six now, and they felt like they could take them on a trip around the world. So, that’s how easy it gets down the road. Now, of course, if you have twins and then you have another one or if you have another one before that, you’re kind of stuck in the trap either way. But the difference between, you know, when you have your twins and all your other friends have one baby, and then three years later, they’re back in the trenches with the newborn and you’re smooth sailing with these two three-year-olds, it’s great. They also will sometimes finish each other’s food, so you don’t feel so wasteful about it. You know, lots of, lots of blessings, lots of pros and cons.

So, you’re expecting twins, you’re kind of freaking out. What do you do? Obviously, you want to get your help on board, whether that’s professional, family, whatever. The biggest thing I think that you want to really embrace is that things are just going to be different. It is different than having one baby. Now, on the flip side of that, what you’re going to hear me say is that it’s just two babies. So, the whole is not greater than the sum of its parts. Having twins is not exponentially harder than having one baby, but it is twice as hard as having one baby, maybe not even twice as hard. I don’t know. I wonder about that.

So, something that I say to new postpartum doulas, newborn care specialists, people who haven’t worked with twins or multiples before, and they’re nervous about it, is it’s just two babies. You’re taking care of one baby and you’re taking care of another baby. And the tricky part is like figuring out how to juggle that. But at the end of the day, it’s just two babies that you’re taking care of. Twins is not this mythical creature that’s totally different from babies. Do you know what I mean? Does that make sense? But you have two babies. So, the expectations are going to be a little bit different. 

Feeding is going to look different maybe than what you expected with one baby, and I’m going to go into that. Your setup is going to look different than what you expected with one baby. Your day is going to look different. It is going to be more challenging, I think especially for the parents because you want to be with your baby all the time. And when there’s another baby demanding your attention and you want to be with that baby, it’s just really hard to feel like you can be with both of them all the time. 

So, again, it’s going to look different. You’re going to have to accept that sometimes other people are going to be helping you, whether that’s your partner or your caregiver or your family members or your parents or whoever is going to be helping you with that. And sometimes you’re going to be able to really focus on one baby. Sometimes you’re going to be attending to the squeaky wheel, which is what I call whichever baby is demanding in that moment.

It’s also going to look different in positive ways. Twin babies, I mean, this is anecdotal. I’m sure there’s research out there. They learn patience so much faster than first single babies because sometimes you’re fussing in the bouncy chair and when you’re just one single baby, your mom runs right over. “Oh my gosh, what’s going on?” When your sister’s up on the changing table and mom can’t walk away from her, you’re going to have to learn to maybe chill out and solve your own problems or at least be patient for a few minutes while she finishes, you know, getting your sister situated and somewhere safe so that she can attend to you. 

So, actually working with twins, I think has been a huge part of my progression towards this more low-key style that I have where you’re not jumping on top of them at every single peep because you just physically can’t do that. You just cannot always be with both of them. Sometimes one has to wait a few minutes to eat or wait a few minutes to get a diaper change or whatever. Or maybe they both wake up at the same time in the cribs and only one person is on duty that night, and one of them gets picked up before the other one does. And they just learn more quickly that someone is coming. They are. They’re going to be there to help you. It just might take them a smidge longer than if it was just you. 

And I think that’s tremendous. I think that’s something that kids need to learn. I wish every baby could be born like a third baby. I don’t know how that would work mathematically. I’ll ask my partner. He’s a mathematician. But just that level of chill that you have to learn being a twin can really be helpful and make it easier when you are taking care of them.

And in order to make that process easier, I think more so than with one baby, you need a lot of what I call robot babysitters, which sounds terrible, and maybe it is a little bit. Basically, it’s just safe places to put them down where they will be somewhat soothed and you can walk away from them. Back in the olden days when everybody was unsafe, we had so many robot babysitters. We had the swing, the rock and play, we had all these different places. 

But basically, I’m saying not necessarily the crib or the bassinet. Of course, those are safe places to put them down. But a place where they are comfortable, a place where they maybe can get a little motion, a little comfortable seating position, like an inclined seat if they’re awake, just to have something where you can put them down while you attend to the other one, but they don’t start freaking out because they’re not ready to be laid flat on their back in the bassinet or on the floor.

They do still sell baby swings, which is amazing. I love a swing. We’re not supposed to let them sleep in the swings anymore, so be careful about that. But it is a great place to put the baby that just finished eating or the baby that just got a diaper change or just got a burp or whatever. And we just want them to be a little bit comfortable while they wait. A bouncy chair is a great thing. Just something like that and have them around, even if it’s like a little lounger, like a Boppy pillow or that twin W-shaped pillow. Put it on the floor versus on the couch, so we’re not worried about them falling off. 

You know, you don’t want to leave them alone on the bed and walk away or something like that. But if they’re in it on the floor and you’re, you know, in the general vicinity keeping an eye to make sure they’re safe, have something that’s comfortable for them to do that. So, lots of places to put them down. My favorite place to do that is actually on your lap. So, I can hold, feed, burp, all that stuff with two babies at once because of my magical octopus technique. And I know this can be really hard, especially if you’ve given birth. But once they’re a little bit older and you’re feeling a little more physically with it or you have other caregivers helping you out, you can suggest this. And I sit cross-legged, like crisscross applesauce on the floor or on the bed, and I use my lap as a cradle for one of the babies.

And then, you know, I hold the other baby in my arms. And I’ll take a picture of this so that you can see it. But you can have the baby on your arm. The arm is holding the bottle for the baby in your lap, and then your other arm is holding the bottle for the baby that’s on top of you. And you’re feeding them both at the same time while being held, and they’re both really cozy and comfortable. You can certainly feed them in the pillow or in the chairs or something like that, and they might like that. 

But especially when they’re tiny, it can be a little bit more difficult, I think, to get them really comfortable in those positions. And so I like to have them really close and hold them. Then, you know, the first baby maybe is ready for a break. You take them and burp them while the other one’s in your lap and maybe you bounce your leg up and down a little bit. If they’re getting a little bit fussy, then you’re burping. You know, then maybe you’re switching that baby to your lap and picking up the other one for a burp. And now you’re burping one and holding the bottle for the other. 

It’s very easy when everything is close by and within arm’s reach. I’m also going to have maybe a Boppy pillow close by or somewhere I can just put them down for a minute, you know, while I switch things around or while I, you know, do whatever. So, keeping everything, if you’re managing them by yourself, keeping everything close by and easy. If I’m doing it, say I’m on a guest bed or something like that where it’s like a queen size or king-size bed, I’ll have my changing station right there on the bed with me. I’ll have kind of everything going on really close at hand so that I don’t have to put those babies down and walk away if I don’t think they’re going to be into it.

Because one of the frustrating things about twins is that sometimes you have that baby so close to back to sleep, and then the other one starts fussing and you’re like, “Damn it, if I could just have five more minutes to really get you settled, I could put you down in the bassinet. But now your sister’s crying and I have to go get her.” I don’t know why I keep blaming the sister for being the one who’s crying. I think I’ve had a lot of twin girls recently, so it’s kind of top of mind, but, “Oh, your brother’s crying. I can’t quite finish you off.” 

There’s been a very small handful of times I’ve had to get the parents to help me on an overnight shift. Maybe this was the only real time, maybe there’s been like twice. But I have a very distinct memory. I took care of these twins for the first however many months of their life and they had been early, so they were small. So I was with them for a long time. I got really close to the family. I loved them. I was there like five nights a week.

And one night, their timing was just slightly off, and I had one on the bed next to me in a Boppy and I was trying to get her situated. Maybe she was done eating. Anyway, the thing is that I was trying to change the diaper on the one, the other one was fussy, she wouldn’t just be settled, and they were going back and forth. And I was like, if I could just have five minutes to focus on one baby, everything would be so much easier. And I know that if I don’t get that, I’m going to spend the next hour bouncing back and forth between the two.

So, I took the baby that was changed and fed and everything, and I walked across the hall to the parents’ room and I kind of, you know, woke them up gently and I was like, “Could you just hold her for five minutes? That’s all I need you to do. Just hold her and cuddle her and keep her settled for five minutes and I will be right back.” And they were like, “Oh my god, yes, absolutely. We’d love to do that.” 

So, the dad gets up, he’s holding the baby. I walk across the hall. Obviously, I’d taken the other baby off the bed and put her in the crib for safekeeping while I was gone. Got her changed, got her burped, got her reswaddled and settled and calmed and basically, you know, situated, set her down, went back across, got the other one, said, “Thank you very much,” walked back and said, “Here we go.” And we were all done. And it was so beautiful. 

So, sometimes, don’t be afraid to say, “I can’t handle both of them right now. I know I want to be that cool parent that can do it all.” But even I, the professional who’s done this a million zillion times and was getting paid to be there, so of course, I felt guilty telling them, “I’m so sorry, I can’t do my job for the next 5 minutes.” But they were actually really happy that I had asked them for help. And who doesn’t want to cuddle your baby in the middle of the night when you haven’t seen them in a few hours because your caregiver’s there? They loved it.

Another thing that happened with that same family is I said to the mom one day, I was like, “You know, sometimes I just have to – I get a little flustered and I have to just pause and take a breath and just take it one step at a time.” And I was almost embarrassed that I said that, that I sometimes get flustered, and she was so happy. She was like, “Oh my god, you get flustered too? That’s amazing. I feel flustered and I just, I feel so guilty.” So, just incredible, just incredible. And be open about it. You know, you will have your mom friends that have their one baby. That’s great, but you should have twin mom friends too who can also kind of share the extra difficulty of having two babies at the same time.

Scheduling. Do we put the twins on the same schedule? I mean, every piece of advice you’re going to read is going to say, “Yes, they must be on the same schedule around the clock or you’re going to go insane.” And I agree to a point, as always. Definitely in the beginning, the first two months, three months if they were early, till they’re say 10lbs or 12lbs or so, 10lbs say, maybe even eight or nine lbs. If they’re beyond say eight weeks, eight or nine, 10lbs, I would keep them on the same schedule during the day, but I would start observing them at night. 

What’s probably going to be recommended for you to do with them at night is when one baby wakes up, wake up the other one. Or if you’re, you know, of course, if you’re feeding them on a schedule, like the doctor said we have to wake them every three hours, then of course, you’re going to wake them both every three hours. But once we’re out of that where they can go as long as they need to go, we’re going to be on the same schedule during the day. Bookend scheduling that I talk about where you set your morning and your bedtime and you have those as the bookends of your day and you do like every three hours in between feedings.

And then overnight, with one baby, you would be letting that baby sleep as long as they want to sleep and maybe even trying to stretch them. But with twins, you don’t want to let one baby wake up at say midnight, and then you’re like, “Okay, you’re fed, you’re changed, you’re back to sleep. Now I’m going to go back to sleep.” And then the other baby’s up at 1:15 and you’re like, “Damn it, I just closed my eyes.” 

So, what you’re going to do is wake up that second baby so that they’re eating at the same time and you’re able to get a chunk of sleep in between. Absolutely, you should do this in the beginning. When you feel like they’re ready to start stretching, and you may notice this happening before you even decide to do it on purpose. If you’re always waking up the same baby, if baby A is waking up at that four-hour mark, and baby B, you’re always kind of dragging them out of sleep to feed them for that feed, that baby wants to sleep longer. That baby could be doing a much longer stretch. 

And I figured this out, again, many, many years ago, at the beginning of my doula career. We had these twin boy and girl, cutest family, just, oh my god, I just love all my clients. They’re all so wonderful. And we were always waking the girl overnight. And they had been preemies and they’d spent time in the NICU and but at this point they were older. They were maybe eight weeks adjusted or they were huge. And the boy always woke up first and we always woke up the girl. And the boy, I started feeding him and he spit up and I had to change his clothes and I had to change his diaper. 

And by this point, it had been an hour from the start of the feed. And I was like, “You know what? I’m not going to wake her up at this point because she’s going to be all thrown off anyway. Let me just see what she does.” And lo and behold, this chick slept until the next feeding mark. We had been waking her for an entire extra feed that she was not looking for and did not need. Plus, when we were waking her up and feeding her, she was super sleepy. She was hard to feed. You were kind of force-feeding her. So, I absolutely 100% get that you want to get as much sleep as possible. But I want you to also be aware that one of your babies might want to be sleeping longer.

And then when I shared that observation with the mom, and I and my colleague that I was sharing the job with started not waking her up, we also started stretching him longer. We realized that he could go longer too. He was just enjoying waking up and having that extra feed. But I’m like, you know what? What if instead of waking up the second one when the first one wakes up, what if we hold the first one off until the second one is ready to eat? And she was even smaller than he was. She was just a champ. 

So, again, disclaimer, disclaimer, disclaimer. If you have any growth issues or the pediatrician wants you waking them, wake them. But if you have gotten the okay to stretch them overnight, you can hold off the first one until the second one is ready, rather than doing the opposite of that. Now, that’s hard. That means you have to be awake for part of the night. Can you ask a friend to help you? Can you ask a family member? Can you hire overnight help just here and there if you don’t have the means to do it more full-time? Can you split the babies with your partner, if you have a partner that you’re parenting with? 

You know, maybe one sleeps in the guest room with one baby in a bassinet and one sleeps in the master bedroom with the other baby in a bassinet. And you treat them like individuals while you are trying to get them sleeping longer stretches overnight. I’m not saying do this from the jump. I will tell you what to do from the jump. But once you get into that point where you’re like, I want to really start stretching these babies, how can we manage it so that one person is not awake all night going crazy? 

Can one person go to bed early and the other person take the early shift, and then maybe you switch off at 1:00 or 2:00 in the morning and the second person takes the second shift, and you try to get those babies to go longer? Or at the very least, you wait until the second one is waking up a little bit more naturally. It’s not going to take forever. It doesn’t mean that for a month you have to be up for hours and hours every night. It doesn’t take that long if you really are willing to put a little elbow grease into working on getting them to go longer stretches. 

And I talk about that a lot in my other podcast, but just really quickly, what I mean when I say that is the baby wakes up, they’re fussy, they’re starting to get hungry. We’re going to soothe them in other ways. You can leave them, you know, to fuss around and see what they do. Maybe they’ll fall back asleep. I’m not saying that we’re sleep training, they’re going to cry it out, they’re going to whatever. 

All I’m saying is don’t jump to feed them until they are so hungry or until it’s the time you say that they can eat because that’s what they’ve done in the past. If the first time a baby sleeps a six-hour stretch overnight, sorry kid, you’re doing that every night going forward. And obviously, I’m making sure they’re getting enough to eat during the day and yada. But we are going to really work on those stretches. So, yes, same schedule during the day. But if you feel like one baby wants to be sleeping longer, then don’t wake them up. And in fact, encourage the other baby to sleep as long as they do.

And don’t be afraid to split them up during the day or whatever. Certainly, it’s easy to care for them together if you have some support. But my dear friend, my best friend who is a twin parent and her kids are 16 now, I was her nanny when they were babies. And she was so overwhelmed by being alone with them that she never wanted to be alone with them. She didn’t understand that I was not overwhelmed by being alone with them. So I was fine and happy to be alone with them because I had a lot of experience and they weren’t my babies. 

So, you know, it was a lot easier for me to sort of tend to them and not get all emotionally wound up if one had to wait a few minutes. But there was a few occasions where one maybe had to go to a doctor’s appointment or for whatever reason, we had to split them up. And she realized after this happened once or twice that it was really nice for her to just have some alone time with one baby and that it was a breeze. 

I saw a video on Instagram the other day, a mom who just had her third or fourth baby saying that the mom math is that when you go out with your third baby alone, it’s like having zero kids with you because they’re just so easy at that point and you’re just so used to it and so familiar and having one baby is different from having a baby and a two-year-old and a four-year-old and whatever. So, don’t be afraid to just take one for some alone time and leave the other one with a loving, trusted caregiver and just really be able to get away from some of the overwhelm and just really enjoy it.

Should you, you know, dress them the same? There’s the twin book out there. I don’t even know which one it is that’s like, they must have their own identities from the beginning. If you dress them the same, they’re never going to develop their own identities. That’s nonsense. They are absolutely going to develop their own identities and their own choices and their own personalities. Trust me. So, it’s cute. Dress them alike if you want to. It’s very cute. Dress them in coordinating outfits. 

Also, making the decision about what to dress your kids in every day can be annoying. So you know, what’s the weather like? Is it going to rain? Is it going to be chilly? Where are we going? Do we need layers? All this different stuff. Who are we seeing? Do we need to wear something that they gave us? Blah, blah, blah. So if it’s easier for you to just dress them in the same outfit every day, do that. They will absolutely one million percent start exerting their personalities. I promise. 

When I was a teacher, we had these twins in my first class that I taught. I taught preschool and kindergarten special ed, the little identical twin boys, sweetest little things. And the mom dressed them identically down to their socks for kindergarten. And for the first week of school, I could not tell them apart for anything. And I was like, “Oh dear God, can I ask her to just please at least put them in different socks so I can tell who’s who?” 

But you get to know them and after two weeks, I could tell which one was which from the other side of the playground, up on the top of the slide. You can tell them apart. They’re going to develop different personalities. They were out of the special ed program after that, so I think she did put them in separate classes so they could kind of develop their own interests and friends and stuff like that. But don’t worry that dressing your babies identically is going to cause them to not have their own personalities.

I was actually just talking to a friend about this and she was like, “Oh, there was this funny video of these two Australian women who are twins who are wearing—they were wearing matching scrubs, so I can only imagine they work together at a hospital—but they were speaking in unison.” Anyway, so I was telling her about that and she’s like, “I knew twins in college who dressed the same every day and they lived together and they did all this different stuff.” And I was like, “Well, that’s a little weird.” 

But I had it in my head that they were women. And then it came out that they were twin boys. And I hate to be gender essentialist, but I know far fewer boys who like to pick out their own clothes than girls. So it’d be like, “Bro, I’ll just wear what you’re wearing.” Also, guys all dress alike anyway. What were they wearing every day? A t-shirt and jeans, a button-down and jeans? Whatever. They still had their own personalities, is the point. My cousin has twin boy and girl and they live in the south and she dresses them in these little coordinating bubble rompers and one is very girly and one’s a little more boyish and they’re always in these super cute fabrics and it’s just the cutest thing.

Feeding. Feeding with twins can look very different than feeding with one baby, especially if you’re nursing, body feeding, you know, breastfeeding, nursing. It’s going to be tougher in the beginning, probably. I know a couple of twin moms who have come out of birth just breastfeeding like a champ from the beginning. Honestly, even then, there’s still a little bit of supplementing, pumping, whatever. A lot of times twins are smaller when they’re born because they’re a little earlier or they just didn’t have as much room to grow. 

Smaller, earlier babies, even just a couple of weeks, generally will struggle a little bit more to be efficient at the breast. So you may want to nurse one at a time and the other one gets a supplement, or if you’re pumping, you know, following the advice of your lactation consultant, etcetera, etcetera. Just be aware that it’s going to look different. And even though it’s—people call it the triple feed, I call it the three-ring circus—where you’re nursing, pumping, and then giving the bottle, that can change and that can get a lot better. And you will find a routine that feels good to you. And it will likely be a combination of body feeding and bottle feeding. And that’s totally fine. That’s great. That gives you so much flexibility. 

Just, you know, don’t be afraid to hand off some of that responsibility to someone else. You know, obviously nobody else can pump for you, but maybe it’s washing the pump and washing the bottles and getting the bottles ready. Maybe it’s doing the bottle feeds while you do the nursing feeds. Maybe you want to do both and so you’re like, “No, I’m just fully focused on feeding the babies. Somebody else has to make me lunch.” You know, whatever you want to do, just be aware that it’s going to look a little different.

Another one of my favorite twin stories is I had a client several years ago now who started out, you know, really wanted to nurse and was doing formula supplementing in the beginning. Then she was able to eliminate the formula and she was giving them pumped milk as a supplement, so they were somewhat nursing, somewhat doing pumped milk. I was doing overnights, so we were doing pumped milk feeds overnight. And one day she had been doing better with nursing during the day. They had nursed all day. And I got there for my overnight shift and she said, “Okay, tonight I don’t want to pump at all. I want to just nurse all the feeds. So bring them to me when it’s feeding time and I’ll nurse them.” 

And I was like, “Okay, that sounds good.” So for the first feed, she nursed both. It was fine, whatever. I took them back, you know, yada. Second feed, I think she nursed both. And then for the third feed, you know, say it was like the 10:00 p.m., the 1:00 a.m., whatever. After that second feed, she was like, “You know what? This may have been a little overly ambitious. I’m going to pump and you can just give the bottle for the next feed because I need to sleep and it takes too long to nurse two babies in the middle of the night for every single feed, and it’s easier for me to pump.” 

So, things can change day to day. They can even change hour to hour. And it is your prerogative as the person who is making that food for those babies that you can do whatever you want. You know, feeding is going to look different and that’s totally fine. And you will find, again, let go of expectations and find a routine that feels good to you and that works for you. Sometimes, especially if they’re fraternal, one baby might just be a great champion nurser and the other one might just be a little slower, a little lazier at the breast, just not be as into it. 

I’ve had clients where, you know, one baby just loved to nurse. So they’re like, “You know what? Overnight, you give bottles to this one, I’m going to nurse this one.” That’s totally fine too. It’s not a problem. Those kids are in their teens now and have suffered no ill consequences from one of them getting, you know, more breast milk than the other. That mom also hated pumping and she didn’t want to pump. So she’s like, “As long as I’m nursing one, I’m getting, you know, the stimulation I need.” She still nursed the other one during the day. It just took longer and she just didn’t want to do that during the night. And that’s totally, totally fine. So, you might find some kind of unconventional routine that will feel good for you.

So, that’s basically it. When you’re having two babies, just know that the difficulty is front-loaded. It gets easier down the road. Bring on lots of help, whether that’s professional or family members. And just, I want people to let go of expectations anyway, but take your letting go of expectations to the next level. And any day that you guys have made it through is a win and it’s going to get easier, I promise.

To be sure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe in your favorite podcast app. We’d also love to connect with you on social media. You can find us on Instagram @happyfamilyafter or at our website HappyFamilyAfter.com. On our website you can also leave us a voicemail with any questions or thoughts you might have, and you can roast your baby. Talk to you soon.

Thanks for listening to this week’s episode of Parenthood Prep. If you want to learn more about the services Devon offers, as well as access her free monthly newborn care webinars, head on over to www.HappyFamilyAfter.com.