What do bikini waxes and parenting advice have in common?
I’m a natural blonde. Jealous? Don’t be. It basically means I have wispy, fine hair that all but disappears when I put it in a ponytail. The positive, though, is that I don’t have a lot of body hair. I shave my legs like once a week and armpits pretty much never (I’m sure you all were DYING to know this information). What hair I do have is barely visible.
But, I do get bikini waxes. Because, you know. Why not? I go to this LOVELY woman who has been waxing my bikini for 13 years (geez I’m old). It doesn’t hurt, it takes 10 minutes, and she charges me $25. Now you Italian girls with your beautiful thick shiny black hair are saying, “WTF?! My bikini waxes take forever and cost an arm and a leg (plus I have to wax those too!) and they hurt like hell!”
I could tell you, “Oh, it’s because I use this kind of wax, or because I do this beforehand to prep, or because I read this book and it told me what to do. If you do the same, you’ll have pain-free bikini waxes as well!”. And maybe you’d try all of those things, and it wouldn’t make a difference, and you’d think there was something wrong with you for not being able to get the amazing results that I got.
And I used to do that. Finally, Raluca (my wax girl) told me I have to stop telling people it doesn’t hurt. It doesn’t hurt ME, because of the way my hair is. There is nothing that anyone can do to make her hair be like mine. I was just born with super fine hair.
What does this have to do with parenting advice, you ask?
Because your very well-meaning friends and family (who probably have one baby) give a lot of advice. “I did this with my baby and it worked in ONE NIGHT!” “Breastfeeding was such a breeze because I did this position!” “Why don’t you just Cry It Out? My baby started sleeping through the night after 45 seconds of crying, I don’t know why everyone doesn’t do it!” “Read this book!” and then you try it, and it doesn’t work, and you feel like crap and wonder what you’re doing wrong, or if maybe there’s something wrong with your baby.
Rest easy, Mamas! There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with you, or your baby. You are doing an AMAZING job. That mom who is full of “helpful” advice that is completely lost on your baby? She is a fine-haired bikini waxer.
Don’t get me wrong – the support of other mamas is incredibly important! When it’s supportive. If another mom (or your sister-in-law) is making you feel like crap, just remember that your baby is a totally different creature from hers, and when you’re envious of her quick and easy bikini waxes, she is super jealous of your long, thick French braid (sigh).
This is where professionals (like me) are incredibly useful. We have seen IT ALL, and we know what will work for every type of hair baby, and every type of mama! Just because my Raluca can’t give everyone the speedy, pain-free wax experience she gives me, I still refer everyone I know to her, and they all say she does the best wax they’ve ever had.
The moral of the story: DO NOT DRIVE YOURSELF CRAZY LISTENING TO ADVICE FROM YOUR FRIENDS. Take what works for you, and leave the rest.
Much love and joyful parenting,
Devon