Finding the Silver Linings of the NICU
It was my pleasure to speak with Devon Clement at The Parenthood Prep Podcast for her recent episode about the NICU.
Devon approached me years ago about discussing a topic I thought, at the time, was pretty dreadful: “silver linings” of the NICU.
It almost offended me that she suggested it. My experience with my baby in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit of Children’s Hospital of Atlanta was one of the worst, most traumatic experiences of my life. She wanted me to talk about the (checks notes) good things? I said no. What I didn’t say was that I thought it was tone deaf to even ask.
Devon and I are very close friends and have been for a long time. April will mark ten years of our abiding love and close companionship.
So I can say this now, having done the research: Devon is always right.
When this idea came back around to bring onto the podcast, I was far enough away from the pain and stress of the NICU to realize, for the maybe seventieth time in ten years, Devon was right. I actually had a lot to say about the silver linings.
You see, in the time since she last brought it up, both my parents have passed away, bookending a global pandemic. One of the things that got my son and me through this impossible period of dizzying grief was gratitude. Our grief counselor implored us to look for glimmers every single day, especially on the worst days.
Finding things for which we could be grateful, from healthy lungs on Monday to a sunny day on Saturday, helped us make it through to the other side. It gave us meaning with a deeper flavor, a sort of existential MSG. Call it Soul Accent.
It wasn’t tone deaf to suggest evaluating and sharing the silver linings of the NICU. It was one of the best things I could have done, and I’m glad I eventually was able to, even if it took quite awhile. Talking about those glimmers on the podcast only made that more apparent.
As we planned the episode, Devon and I went in with the intention of helping people who are experiencing or might experience a NICU stay to move forward into gratitude quicker than I did. We believe that this is one of the keys to processing and integrating the emotional aspects of a NICU stay quicker, easier, and with less resistance.
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